Allow me to paint a picture for you. It’s a lovely piece, probably worth nothing!
Me, sitting on a couch. Nice couch – only a few months old, grey, IKEA, pull-out, comfy. Nice.
Hair in a messy bun – don’t care. Really don’t. I mean, no one is home, who would I dress up for? Instagram? HA!
Cups of Ramen noodle soup on the table beside me – didn’t want to cook. Don’t judge on the plural ‘cups’. I’m hungry.
Pepper Ann peacefully asleep upstairs – she went down pretty easily, though I intentionally kept her awake a half hour later than usual. She, too, ate Ramen noodles and instant mac & cheese for dinner. No judging.
Dog sleeping in his room – thank goodness, he’s been farting all night long. He had spaghetti last night, thanks to PA, and we are still suffering because of it.
Twilight playing on the TV in front of me – decent movie, some bad acting, but it’s familiar and therefore comforting. Besides, who wouldn’t want to escape into the drama of a teenage girl’s life? I mean, it beats worrying about the bills!
One would think that my evening is a relaxing one. The baby is sleeping soundly, the puppy is out of my hair, the house is relatively clean and very quiet. Josh and his sister are spending one last evening together before she flies back home to Florida. I’m comfy on my couch, watching a five-movie saga to distract myself from the quiet. (Let’s face it, once you become a mom, you really, really, really love those silent moments, but you also despise them.)
This entire night is extremely relaxing (minus the upset stomach . . . too much instant junk. Or maybe just a reaction to sub-par acting) but it’s also extremely lonely and dull. I continuously find myself checking my phone for ANY type of notifications – Facebook, text, Instagram, heck even Pinterest! Anything to get my mind off of how lonely I am right now.
Yeah, I could bring in Mr. Farts from his stinky place.
I could wake up my one-year-old and risk – strike that, ENDURE the screaming little monster she will be.
I could even dance naked in the moonlight. Hey neighbors!
It would all be for the sake of company. Right? Right!
As I sit here, not really wanting to wake either of my kids (yes, my dog is my kid) and watching the antics of an okay actress play out the drama of a once uber-famous teenage love story, I’m hit hard with the feels.
Emotions. Tears. Heartache. Ugh!
And not because of Twilight, though admittedly I do sometimes get the feels during the later movies.
I’m thinking of my husband. Leaving. Deploying. Gone, for almost a year. For the first time in my life ever, and especially in my married life, I will be alone entirely. Across the country from my friends and family, still adjusting to this new city life, awkwardly making friends.
I have a small handful of people here that I am blessed to call my friends, but I still cannot imagine what it will be like when Josh leaves. He flies out in a few short months and will most likely not return until Spring of next year. MilSpouses, y’all know that these timelines are never for sure, so you get where I’m coming from, right? I’m coming from the land of freak-out right now. Seriously! If I can’t even stand a few short hours in the house by myself, how in the world am I going to survive a nine-month deployment?
I have already spoken with a few Military wives, and they were more than friendly in giving advice and offering help if needed. Mostly, though, I hear that we spouses at home just get used to our menfolk/womenfolk leaving for weeks or months at a time; we don’t ever enjoy it, of course, and there are tears shed every time. But it gets easier to adjust.
Still, though. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m wondering how I will handle this. How will I handle this???